Update!

Hi Guys!  How has everyone’s February been?  Can you believe it’s slowly coming to a close?  I sure can’t!

I’m gonna give a general update in this post.  On my life, POTs related or not.  I’m not sure if you guys are interested in reading about my life so much.  This blog really is mainly POTs oriented.  So if you guys don’t like reading about my normal life, I apologize in advance.  Just let me know.  😉

Anyway, life has had its ups and downs recently.  I’ve had a lot of stuff happen this past February:

• Valentine’s Day – This day was actually completely and absolutely perfect.  There isn’t one thing I can think of that went wrong that day.  I love Valentine’s Day.  Even when I didn’t have a boyfriend it was one of my absolute favorite holidays.  I love the feeling of..well love that fills the air!  Everyone at school seems to be in a good mood, giggling, blushing..  All those cute notes pushed under classroom doors from “secret admirers”, and roses left on my friends’ desks.  It especially makes me overjoyed when my friends who were totally dreading the day suddenly have a change of heart when they see that pink rose and teddy bear waiting for them on their desk.  Even though these things aren’t for me, I can’t help but get emotional.  A good friend of mine wrote the sweetest poem for his girlfriend.  I read it to give my opinion, and started bawling my eyes out.  How embarrassing!  I did have a tinge of sadness since by boyfriend is already in college and he doesn’t attend my school.  But after school he showed up at my door all decked out in dress shoes and a tie!  With him he had a beautiful bouquet of a dozen roses and the absolute best chocolates in the world!  (Ferrero Rocher <3) He picked me up and we got Italian food!  (my favorite!)  The beginning of February was rocky, with my Pots symptoms flaring up and all.  Days like this leave me floating on air and take my mind off of little things.. like being dizzy, or randomly vomiting (ew), or being pale.
  

  A perfect day with my favorite boy 🙂

• My brother’s family got into a car accident.  They were hit by a young drunk driver.  This disgusts me…  I’m glad everyone ended up being alright after they were fixed up in the hospital.  But I have zero sympathy for drunk drivers.

The front of their car post-accident

• It snowed here in Arizona!  Well…kinda.  It’s the closest thing we’re ever gonna get.  It was slush, mixed with dirt…

Never thought I’d see my front yard white 🙂

• I got a new car!  This is my first car that I can actually call my own.  Up until now I’ve been driving my brother’s old truck.  And while it has served my fairly well, I can honestly say I’m extremely excited and grateful for this upgrade!  It is beautiful and perfect in every way.  Happy early graduation to me!  😉

So excited 🙂 I need a name for her…

• Last week in my school parking lot, this guy backed into my new car… 😦  It isn’t bad, though!  Hopefully his insurance will cover it!  I was so so upset when it happened.  I started tearing up.  UGH I hate being so emotional.  My car is still beautiful and perfect in every way <3.
• I got accepted to all the universities I’ve applied too!  Well, almost.  I’m still waiting on one more letter…  Plus I’ve gotten nearly full ride scholarships to all of them.  I’m so thankful, relieved, and most of all blessed ❤

Finally, one of the main reasons I think Feb. has been so great is because I’ve been sleeping SO much.  Whenever I get a ton of sleep, my POTs symptoms seem to be relieved!  It’s an amazing feeling.

Oops! Sometimes I sleep when I’m not supposed to. 😉

Lazy Days 🙂

I’ve been feeling pretty well POTs wise!  I’ve got a cold right now.  So I can’t tell if my symptoms are from POTs or from that.  I’m super stuffy and congested and my throat hurts!  Blaaaaah.

Hope everyone is doing well!

Xoxo,

Jenna

My Jumbled Thoughts

Today I woke up and felt like I was floating. I’m so dizzy today, the rest of the world doesn’t even feel real. School is difficult now with a chronic illness.. I hate having to force myself to go to school when I don’t feel well, I hate waking up early, walking up stairs, and having to explain to people why I haven’t been at school.

I feel like nobody really believes me when I say I don’t feel well. I know this is a common complaint among the “invisible illness” group, but I feel like people think I’m just trying to get out of doing work. Trust me, if I could sit and focus for hours without my head feeling like it’s going to explode, I would. Every time I tell my friends I’m not going to be at school, their response is passive. “Okay Jenna, have fun on your day off..”. As if. I don’t know why I’m complaining so much today. This is not to say that all of my friends are like that, because they’re not. I definitely have some completely supportive friends who have always and will always be there for me. But no matter how hard I try, sometimes it’s hard to think of these people and think positively. The negative thoughts overpower the positive ones, and the negative comments seem to blare through a megaphone to me.

I would say the social aspect of high school is the part that most people have trouble with. I’m lucky to not be one of those students who sits alone at lunch, who gets bullied, or who struggles in school. Days like this, I need to remember that. But instead I focus on the fact that I have trouble making friends and keeping them. I feel like an outcast and I think I’m a weird person. Not really a bad weird, just a weird that makes me quite different from all the other kids at my school. For one, I’m not interested in drinking, partying, drugs, or hookups. This excludes me from about 50% of the population at my school, already. I also can’t really play any sports, I’m too nervous to pass out. I wanted to play lacrosse… But who knows.

Also, how am I supposed to tell people I have a chronic illness? Whenever I tell people, they really don’t know what to say and I feel like I just made the situation awkward. I mean, what can they say? I don’t want them to feel like I’m looking for sympathy or pity, but I also want people to try to somewhat understand why I don’t feel well sometimes… How do I even explain what I have? There’s not really one specific symptom…it affects literally every part of my body…

This post is really going on a tangent. I’m not too sure what I was aiming at in writing this, but I feel like it is making me feel better… I feel crazy right now. I’m sitting in my library at school by myself, typing furiously on my phone. It must be quite a funny site.

Here’s proof for you guys…I am actually sitting in the library by myself.

Hope everyone is doing well as always.

Signing off,
Jenna

Pale

I’m so tired of people saying I look pale. I hate that word & I hate being pale.

It makes me feel self conscious.

I don’t know if it’s just me, but does everyone else get really pale on the days where their POTs is flaring up?

Arizona

Arizona please don’t do this.

It’s only February.

Before my POTs, I loved the fact that I live in a state that is sunny year round. I would welcome the 60 degree winters with wide-open arms, and bask in the warmth of 100+ degree summers. Never having to worry about snow, winter clothes, or “goulashes” has always been a wonderful thing. (Had to throw that in there. I recently learned that that’s what people call rain boots in other states?!). I never minded the fact that my nail polish would literally melt off my fingers in the sun, nor did I mind burning my fingers on the metal seatbelt buckles.

But now I despise this heat. It’s February, Arizona. I’ve been loving and loyal to you for 17 years now, and you repay me by taking away the pleasant weather that’s been making me feel so well?

It’s February 6. And everyone was sweating bullets today. I’m dreading the upcoming weeks as it gets hotter and hotter. Bring on the dizziness and double vision, Arizona. It’s on.

I don’t wanna grow up

I love my family. Without them, I would have trouble getting up everyday to face the day that awaits.

I’m feeling nostalgic today.
I miss being a little kid and having no worries in the world.

I don’t want to grow up.

University is coming up so fast…

Words can not express how happy I am at this very moment! 😀

10 more days and my best friend in the universe flies back from Dubai! ❤

I'm finally done with college applications!

I've been consistently working out-for once! ;P

And I feel good! No dizziness for the past few days.

Yay yay yay!!! 🙂

Love you all and hope everyone is feeling as well as I am!

Xoxo,
Jenna

I missed my SATS last week because I felt too sick to go. I wish there was some sort of accommodation they could make. They have all of us stand in line for close to an hour before we can even get into our testing room. By the time I get to the room, I’m nearly passed out. Not to mention it’s very early in the morning and I’m already dizzy as it is.

I’m frustrated. I had to pay to reschedule my testing date.

I’m at school right now.. I woke up feeling very nauseous at 4 this morning. I threw up, and I feel extremely dizzy right now.

Can’t wait for this day to be over