Change.

So my whole life I have hated, no, despised change. But it feels like ever since I went to college that nothing in my life has really remained constant. And surprisingly, I have handled it pretty well, all things considered. Having a history of severe anxiety, I honestly need to cut myself a little slack sometimes and realize just how far I have come. So, to give myself a little much-needed self-confidence boost, I will list some of the hurdles I have overcome in the past few years alone:

  • I can stay away from home for longer than a few hours now. Heck, I have my own apartment now. (But I still and always will love visiting home & have a strong desire to be there <3)
  • I was strong enough to break up with my high school sweetheart of 4 years and move forward with my life & now have a wonderful, compassionate, and handsome boyfriend of a year and a half.
  • I have been strong enough to cut toxic people from my life and seek out those who surround me with positivity and support
  • I got a job on campus and was promoted to being a supervisor within a few short months
  • I joined a social sorority (something I never thought I would do), and immersed myself in that lifestyle
  • I dropped said social sorority to seek out something that would provide me with more fulfillment personally
  • I joined a community service sorority where I knew absolutely nobody (mingling amongst a room full of girls you don’t know can be scary, guys!)
  • I ran for two board positions in my pledge class, and got one of them! (that means TWO speeches in front of everyone :o)
  • I can drive on the highway now instead of taking side streets everywhere (highways used to give my panic attacks-no joke)
  • I have started weightlifting and seeking out a healthier lifestyle
  • I have learned more about my body and how to manage POTs symptoms effectively

These are all things I can think of off the top of my head, and these are all things that seemed small in the moment but make me feel so so proud reading over them. Just a little over a year ago it seemed like everywhere I turned there was a thousand hurdles for me to jump over. Whether it be missing class and getting behind because of my POTs, having anxiety attacks in what should be non-anxiety inducing situations, or just simply growing older and maturing, I have been able to tackle the struggles-one hurdle at a time.

When I was finishing up high school and entering college I was terrified that my college experience wouldn’t be normal because of my POTs or anxiety, but now I am just about halfway through my Junior year and I certainly don’t feel left behind in anything. If any of you have any anxiety about college because of mental illness or chronic illness or just general questions about what it is like, then feel free to message me! I promise I will reply and give you the best advice I can possibly give. If I could get through it, then so can you! All it takes is a little bit of change.

By no means am I done tackling change and hardships in life, this is only the beginning, but having this list written here really makes me realize just how much I have accomplished and how far I have truly come. I know I’ve posted a lot tonight, (hello third post in an hour), but I feel like we all have a lot of catching up to do! Feel free to message me/comment with some updates about your life.

Goodnight Everybody,

Jenna

Frustrations.

Unfortunately, I am the type of person who gets frustrated and irritated far too easily. I definitely notice on days where I don’t get enough sleep, (which is like always. I mean, who gets enough sleep in college?), that my POTs symptoms are way worse which makes me feel sad which makes me feel annoyed that I can’t be normal which makes my frustration snowball keep rolling and build and build upon itself. The good news is that I think I’ve gotten better at controlling my irritations, the bad news is I’m still not perfect at it. There are some days where I just snap-whether it be at my family, my boyfriend, or myself. I say things that I would rather I didn’t, or I roll my eyes when it is completely uncalled for. And this makes me sad when I reflect on it. If anyone has any tips to control expressing irritation in probably inappropriate ways then please let me know. I would love to do a little bit of self-improvement in this aspect of my life.

edit: As I’m reading this, I realize that it makes me seem a little bit like a moody, unpredictable teenager with an inability to control her emotions-but I assure you this is not the case… not completely at least! 😉

Sometimes Life Gets in the Way

I don’t really know if anyone still reads my blog, but I am logging on now after not being on here for what feels like years. I’m reading all of these messages I didn’t realize that I had gotten from as long as a year ago from people reaching out to me asking for support and just looking for someone to talk to, and I feel like I have failed and lost my way as to why I started this blog in the first place. And for that, I’m sorry. 

My college life has been filled with learning experiences and plenty of ups and downs that I guess just overtook me and interfered with my consistent blogging. Lately I have been feeling a sense of needing to express myself and connect with other people, (whether they have chronic illnesses or not), and I think that I need to utilize this blog to the best of my ability. I’m going to try to do this, and probably now with new perspectives and things to take away from life in general. I hope you all are willing to let me back into this community, because I sure do miss you all.

-Jenna