There are some days that I feel so indecisive that I just want to break down and cry.  Today was one of those days.  I have no clue why this happens to me, but I notice it happens on days that I’m more anxious and in the days preceding that time of the month.  

 

I was at the mall today and was trying to decide which underwear I wanted to buy.  I stood there and stared at all of my options for a good 15 minutes before finally deciding.  And even when I decided, I wasn’t entirely sure if I was content with my decision.  

Before I went to the mall, I felt frustrated deciding what to wear, and when I got there I wanted to tear my hair out trying to decide what I wanted to eat.  

Later on, I had to change for a date I had.  My mom had to help me pick out my outfit otherwise I would have sat on my floor in my towel and cried instead.  

I have NO clue why this happens to me.  I feel so frustrated even thinking about this.  When I’m trying to make a decision on days like this I get so irritable, and my head hurts and feels like there is a ton of pressure building up inside of me.  

 

Does anyone know why this happens?  Or at least, does this happen to anyone else?  

Forever indecisive, 

Jenna 

Wow. It’s been so long since I have written, and I just went through and reread all of the comments that you guys have posted. You all are really just amazing. Absolutely amazing. I miss communicating with you all.

Well. The day has come. I just finished up my first semester of college. I can’t believe it’s all already over. So many things have changed with me, and here I was thinking things would remain constant even in college.

Things have been up and down, and college has been one giant adjustment. Attending university with POTs is no easy feat, and I’m so thankful to have been able to get through it and to have survived it all!

At times my illness got in my way, and proved to be a huge obstacle that I had to find my way around, and yet at other times, my illness made me see things in a whole new light. I learned so much more than academics this past semester.

I learned to really live it up on those days that I feel good. To get out there and be active in my college community, and to meet all the fantastic people that inhabit it.

I learned fast how quickly falling behind in college can happen. Everything that felt fast in high school has triple the magnitude in college. Missing one day can really put you in a rut.

I learned that in order to meet all of the unique individuals that make up a university, all you have to do is get out of your room once in a while and overcome any judgmental tendencies. There are wonderful people at every turn. And you never know when you’ll meet your new best friend. So many of my friends from high school are having a miserable time in college because they refuse to leave their room.

I learned that the freshman 15 is a real thing. A very real thing.

I learned that what and who you thought you were passionate about, can change in the blink of an eye.

And finally, I learned how to be independent.

I went through a lot of changes this semester. I did some stupid things, and I did some absolutely wonderful things. None of which I regret. Some of the people I never thought would stick by my side, ended up being the people I turn to most. And those that I so foolishly assumed would always be there for me, aren’t a part of my life anymore. Things change, and life goes on. As I work through this struggle of moving on in my life with obstacles (like my POTs) thrown at me, I will continue constantly changing and learning new things. All of this for the better.

I will have a lot of free time on my hands since I will be home from school for a month. I can’t wait to catch up with all of you and fill you in on my life thus far.

Until next time,
Jenna ❤