Change.

So my whole life I have hated, no, despised change. But it feels like ever since I went to college that nothing in my life has really remained constant. And surprisingly, I have handled it pretty well, all things considered. Having a history of severe anxiety, I honestly need to cut myself a little slack sometimes and realize just how far I have come. So, to give myself a little much-needed self-confidence boost, I will list some of the hurdles I have overcome in the past few years alone:

  • I can stay away from home for longer than a few hours now. Heck, I have my own apartment now. (But I still and always will love visiting home & have a strong desire to be there <3)
  • I was strong enough to break up with my high school sweetheart of 4 years and move forward with my life & now have a wonderful, compassionate, and handsome boyfriend of a year and a half.
  • I have been strong enough to cut toxic people from my life and seek out those who surround me with positivity and support
  • I got a job on campus and was promoted to being a supervisor within a few short months
  • I joined a social sorority (something I never thought I would do), and immersed myself in that lifestyle
  • I dropped said social sorority to seek out something that would provide me with more fulfillment personally
  • I joined a community service sorority where I knew absolutely nobody (mingling amongst a room full of girls you don’t know can be scary, guys!)
  • I ran for two board positions in my pledge class, and got one of them! (that means TWO speeches in front of everyone :o)
  • I can drive on the highway now instead of taking side streets everywhere (highways used to give my panic attacks-no joke)
  • I have started weightlifting and seeking out a healthier lifestyle
  • I have learned more about my body and how to manage POTs symptoms effectively

These are all things I can think of off the top of my head, and these are all things that seemed small in the moment but make me feel so so proud reading over them. Just a little over a year ago it seemed like everywhere I turned there was a thousand hurdles for me to jump over. Whether it be missing class and getting behind because of my POTs, having anxiety attacks in what should be non-anxiety inducing situations, or just simply growing older and maturing, I have been able to tackle the struggles-one hurdle at a time.

When I was finishing up high school and entering college I was terrified that my college experience wouldn’t be normal because of my POTs or anxiety, but now I am just about halfway through my Junior year and I certainly don’t feel left behind in anything. If any of you have any anxiety about college because of mental illness or chronic illness or just general questions about what it is like, then feel free to message me! I promise I will reply and give you the best advice I can possibly give. If I could get through it, then so can you! All it takes is a little bit of change.

By no means am I done tackling change and hardships in life, this is only the beginning, but having this list written here really makes me realize just how much I have accomplished and how far I have truly come. I know I’ve posted a lot tonight, (hello third post in an hour), but I feel like we all have a lot of catching up to do! Feel free to message me/comment with some updates about your life.

Goodnight Everybody,

Jenna

Frustrations.

Unfortunately, I am the type of person who gets frustrated and irritated far too easily. I definitely notice on days where I don’t get enough sleep, (which is like always. I mean, who gets enough sleep in college?), that my POTs symptoms are way worse which makes me feel sad which makes me feel annoyed that I can’t be normal which makes my frustration snowball keep rolling and build and build upon itself. The good news is that I think I’ve gotten better at controlling my irritations, the bad news is I’m still not perfect at it. There are some days where I just snap-whether it be at my family, my boyfriend, or myself. I say things that I would rather I didn’t, or I roll my eyes when it is completely uncalled for. And this makes me sad when I reflect on it. If anyone has any tips to control expressing irritation in probably inappropriate ways then please let me know. I would love to do a little bit of self-improvement in this aspect of my life.

edit: As I’m reading this, I realize that it makes me seem a little bit like a moody, unpredictable teenager with an inability to control her emotions-but I assure you this is not the case… not completely at least! 😉

Inspiring Blogger Award! :)

A little while ago I experienced the honor of being nominated for the “Inspiring Blogger Award” by “belowtheradar002“.  I’m am so so grateful to even be considered amongst the list of great bloggers mentioned.  I can not express enough gratitude to Amanda and Katie for brightening my week!  Thanks girls!

The Official Rules of Acceptance are as follows:

  • Display the Award Certificate on your website.
  • Announce your win with a post and link to whoever presented you with the award.
  • Present 15 awards to deserving bloggers.
  • Drop them a comment to tip them off after you have linked them in the post.
  • Post 7 interesting things about yourself.

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7 Interesting Things about me:

1. I’m only 4’11”, (AND 3/4 for your information!), and I’m 100% done growing.  This used to get to me since all my friends are basically model height.  I think I’m coming to terms with being the tiny one in my group.  😉

2. I’m half Chinese. I don’t look like it, but I love the fact that I have it mixed into me.  I grew up with the culture around me, yummy food included!  

3. I have two birds.  One is a parrotlet, whom I’ve had since I was 14.  Her name is Lulu and she loves to spend every second on my shoulder, day and night.  She’s a feisty one and she hates males… all my guy friends are terrified of her.  She has shown some amazing talents, and as corny as it sounds, has helped me get through this journey of mine.  I recall one particular night where I was sad and curled up in bed with tears streaming down my face.  I heard a rattling around in Lulu’s cage and was amazed when I felt her fly towards me.  She had managed to open her cage, swing the door open using her body weight, and fly to my bed where she waddled up to me and snuggled against my neck.  I’m not sure if she sensed my sadness or if she just wanted to play.  I like to think the first option went through her little birdy brain.  😉  This is what parrotlets look like, just to convey to you guys how cute they are…

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My second bird, Tiki, is a sun conure.  She is a recent addition to my family.  I “adopted” her off of craigslist a few months ago with my Christmas money.  I don’t think her previous owners took the best care of her, as she is still a bit finicky and scared of everything.  Since I’ve owned her, she has quit plucking her feathers out in distress, and is starting to allow me to remove her from her cage.  She’s currently a baby, but when she’s grown her adult plumage, she’ll look like this: 

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My friends call me the “bird lady”…

4. I don’t know if this falls under the “interesting” category, but my favorite movie of all time is the original “Grease”.  I remember one summer where I watched it at least 5 times a day.  When I was younger, I had a huuuuuuuuuge crush on John Travolta because of this movie.

5. I love art, especially painting.  I’m currently working on a portfolio to send in at the end of the year to gain an AP Art credit.  It is definitely something that I am passionate about and wish to improve on throughout my life.  One day, I hope to sell my artwork on the side of my profession.

6. I’m an animal lover and I know for a fact I would be 100 percent content if I were to become some sort of exotic zoo keeper.  (Though I know I would never due to my allergies.)  I have spent hours upon hours researching all the different species and watching youtube videos regarding their behavior.  Might as well delve deeper into my love of animals while I’m at it…  My favorite animal, by far, is the Asian Elephant.  Elephants are beautiful, majestic, and so incredibly intelligent.  Whenever I visit the zoo, I stare in amazement at these creatures.  They possess several human-like emotions, which just blows me away.  I also really like Belugas.  Mostly because they always look like they’re smiling.  And that makes me happy.  On a different note, I’m TERRIFIED of the ocean.  I can only go ankle-deep, and if I feel like something brushed against me, I freak out.  I think this stems from my countless hours of innocent research on the deep seas.  Too many freaky beings out there for my liking…

7. As of recently, I’ve had this crazy obsession with making lists.  Lists of things I love, things I hate, my favorite this, and my favorite that, etc..  This new hobby of mine was inspired by a friend of mine who does something similar.  I now have a good half of my notebook filled with random, mostly pointless lists.  But somehow it makes me feel accomplished and happy.  I actually used this post to make more lists in my notebook ha!  Sometimes an addictive personality can be fun!

Anyway, enough about myself.  Now for the people that this post is really for.  The bloggers who continue to inspire me each and everyday no matter what battle or struggle they face.  These bloggers provide me with creative ideas, motivating words, and helpful advice.  Each and every one of them deserves this award fully.  I can’t thank every. single. one of you enough for creating your blogs for people like me to read, and for…well…for existing!  

1. Life Sucks, So What?!?

2. Bored Sick 

3. Do I Look Sick?

4. Lethargic Smiles

5. Decimawho

6. Musings of a Dysautonomiac

7. Ok, So Far

8. Strength & Saltines

9. The Pillower

10. A Twisted Fantasy

11. Miks Hidden Hearts Alliance 

12. irishdysautonomia 

13. Rocking This Illness

14. My Everlasting Companion

15. Photographing POTs

 

I have some things to tell you all so I will blog again tomorrow!  

Thanks for the love and support.  I truly appreciate you all.

-Jenna 

That Sparkle is Coming Back!

Last week was stressful.

I am pretty much caught up in school now, but between schoolwork, studying for SATS, and my attempt to have a social life; I couldn’t help but feel slightly overwhelmed.

But last week is over, and I was rewarded with a very fun filled weekend. 🙂 I finally am starting to feel somewhat better POTs-wise.. I’m crossing my fingers that this lasts! Over the weekend I was able to get out and do a ton of things without feeling too exhausted! My mom and I spent time together, I went to the gym, and I caught up with some of my friends! Then on Saturday, my boyfriend took me out to see The Bachelorette, get frozen yogurt, and go for a night-walk. By the end of the night, my cheeks were hurting from smiling so much. That night was much needed.

I feel so happy lately… like everything is just falling into place.

I remember last year, one of my teachers used to always tell me that she could tell when I wasn’t feeling well because I didn’t have that “sparkle” in my eyes that I usually have.

My mom says that sparkle is coming back… 🙂

Hope everyone is doing well.

Xoxo,

Jenna